A tiny goddamned egg is just laying there on a fucking leaf.

It’s Sunday morning and the hot-as-shit sun just came up and BLAM! the little fucking egg shits out a tiny lumpy worm.

And holy fuck is the worm hungry.

So the little lumpy fucker starts looking for some goddamned food.

Monday comes and he eats a candy bar some asshole left on the ground. But he’s still fucking hungry. Shit.

Tuesday comes and he eats two slickes of fucking pizza that some dickhead left on a park bench, but he's still fucking hungry. Shit.

Wednesday comes and he eats three fucking pieces of fried chicken that some twat failed to get into a trash bin, but he's still fucking hungry. Shit.

Thursday comes and he eats four entire goddamned hamburgers that some fuckface dropped next to a bank entrance, but he's STILL FUCKING HUNGRY! SHIT!

Friday comes and he slups down five milkshakes left on a fucking picnic table by a group of asshole kids, and you guessed it -- still fucking hungry. This is ridiculous.

Saturday comes and he goes completely apeshit. He eats a piece of chocolate cake, an ice cream cone, a bag of gummy candies, a whole fucking stick of pepperoni, a lollipop, one of those fucking packaged apple pies in waxy paper, a cupcake, and even a shitload of french fries.

And Saturday night he has a fucking tummyache. No shit, Sherlock.

Sunday rolls around again (as it always fucking does). The lumpy worm eats a nice head of broccoli that some fucking saint managed to drop from their grocery bag outside the market. And, big surprise, he feels way fucking better. Thank fuck for that!

Finally he isn’t fucking hungry any more...and he isn’t a little lumpy worm any more either. He is a big fat goddamned caterpillar.

So he builds a little fucking house, called a cocoon, around himself. He stays inside for more than two fucking weeks! Then he nibbles a goddamned hole in the cocoon, pushes his way out and…he’s a big ol’ fucking butterfly! Holy fuck what a delight!

Don't be a prick. Eat a vegetable, for fuck sake.